Developing Desirable and Nurturing Relationships

By Barb VerCande

As we progress from childhood to adolescence and into adulthood we spin an intricate and delicate web of relationships, which become the fertile ground for our personal growth, emotional well-being and even good health.

"We are a social species," say Bunny and Sam Sewell, authors of I Fired My Doctors and Saved My Life: Natural Alternatives to Drugs and Surgery "and when we’re not connected in a significant way with our fellow beings, we gradually acquire a variety of mental and physical problems. On the flip side, we recover from injury or sickness more readily when we have friends who support and nurture us."

As defined by most dictionaries, nurturing is a verb; an action word indicating something that we can do to encourage another to grow, develop, thrive and be successful. And although we intend to do this in our relationships, we frequently miss the mark. Our fast paced lifestyles make jumping the track to nurturing relationships an almost every day occurrence. What can we do to get back on the right track?

We can begin by making sure our desires and beliefs around our relationships – whether parental, with siblings, friends or coworkers – are aligned. This simply means that our beliefs and expectations must be in sync with the relationship we desire. For instance, if we desire a relationship with a parent that is based on mutual respect and understanding of the other’s views, then we would have to be practicing mutual respect and understanding in other relationships. Another example is, if we desire to have our significant other openly share their feelings, then we must be the one to openly share our feelings in the same manner.

Another key component to nurturing relationships is choosing to take the initiative to be the first to communicate openly. In the majority of our social exchanges, we are looking for more than the other person is willing to give or share. It usually crosses our mind that if they would only open up more to us, we would get what we want. This attitude rarely works. When we share first, the other person will usually mirror this new behavior. Sharing our feelings and emotions is more about revealing our vulnerable side and risking rejection, something few of us are willing to do. Yet, when we are, the rewards are great.

An additional key aspect of communication is choosing to listen with our eyes and heart rather than only hearing what the other person is saying. Active listening skills let the other person know that we both acknowledge and understand what they are saying, feeling and doing. Good communication skills make the difference in all relationships.

10 Ways the Power of Choice Helps Create the Relationships We Desire

1. Choose to acknowledge others positively for their words and deeds.

2. Choose to listen from the heart.

3. Choose to be grateful.

4. Choose to remain in awe and wonder of others.

5. Choose to be as intimate with others as you did when you first met.

6. Choose to share yourself 100 percent – desires, emotions, dreams and fears.

7. Choose to be with people who feed the soul.

8. Choose to be the one who feeds the souls of others.

9. Choose to look deep inside and bring to the surface the emotions you want to have in your relationships.

10. Choose how you want to feel in all situations, because it’s all up to you.